topsy turvy

you love a differently-abled child twice as much. you hold on tighter when you know you have to let go. you run faster, when you know you've missed the bus. you walk taller, when you know you're the little person in the room. you give it one last shot when you know you've lost the game. the world feels sunnier, when you're headed into a storm. you speed up when you don't really want to go there. you eat apples, when your doctor's too handsome. you watch romantic movies when you're out of love. sometimes, you just do contradictory things to make yourself feel better, usually about something that you cant do anything about. when you're feeling helpless, and you know what you're expected to do, you just want to do things that go against that expectation. just to feel like you're still the one in control.

Where's the Map again?

Looking for my place under the sun. There must be something here that only I can do. Like keep kryptonite away from Superman. Or Styrofoam away from Bolt. Or guard the Pink Panther, better still recover the stolen one. Or write a limerick. Or be the first to fly to the moon.

Something so uniquely designed for me to complete, save or rescue. Am searching for that with single minded focus. 'They' say it will just come to me one day.

Should I believe 'them'?

Bah!

Change. Am grappling with the 6-letter word. On so many levels. When 'they', whoever they are say that change is good, and that human beings always resist change and that change is the only constant...are they actually listening to what they are saying?

Okay, some change may be good..but how can you make a general sweeping statement like that about something so personal. I may be a wonderful person, totally equipped to handle everything that life throws at me, an eternal optimist even, but why should I be expected to happily cruise down a road I've never travelled before. Maybe you had fun, doesn't mean I will too.

All my life, I have been a rebel of sorts. I guess that what happens when you have tough parents who are also intelligent. Every move you wanna make contrary to their motives has to be well thought through. But I truly believe, not all my fights were pointless, not all my opinions against theirs were biased. Nope, I just see things differently most times.

I hate being backed into a corner. I have been at times. I haven't always won. Sometimes I've had to eat humble pie, but if there's one thing I know I have done - given it a tough fight. Knowing that is important to me.